She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize