3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
