You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
