did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
