thus making me awesome and them whores
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
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