if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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