Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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