Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
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