Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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