ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
