Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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