i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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