Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
