Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
