During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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