I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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