Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
