that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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