did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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