I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
