I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
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