My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
