In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
