Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
