you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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