Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
