Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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