Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
