Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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