So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
