im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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