I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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