I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
