i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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