I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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