Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
