Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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