sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
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I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
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Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Two words: blizzard sex
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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