Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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