I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
