I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
