I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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