His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
