I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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