At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
