If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
