don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
