You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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