I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
