I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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