And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
