Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's blow job season.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
