I think i sorta joined a cult last night
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
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Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
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Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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