your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
