Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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