Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
