I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
