Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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