my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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