It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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