All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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