ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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