I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
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Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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