i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
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