ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
