the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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