then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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