I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
