Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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