mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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