She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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