Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize