That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
