hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
