Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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