I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
