I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize