Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Your penis caused this!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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