It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
