you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i wish my penis had a tongue
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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