I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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