my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
