The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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