having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
birth control should be required to get into college
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
