i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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