this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
