Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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